Take a Hint! Sincerely, Author of My Funny Friend

Recently, I was on the island of Oahu in Hawaii.  My husband let me tag along with him as he went there for business.  One day, while my husband was working, I decided to hike the famous Diamond Head.  It was a little over three miles from my hotel and since I was without a car at that time, I decided to run the three miles to the start of the hike.  As I approached Diamond Head, I noticed a sign indicating that there was a $1 entry fee for people without cars.  I was like, “$1.00? I don’t have no stinkin’ one dollar!”  And I was not about to turn my sweaty self around and run three miles back to my hotel to get a dollar!  So I knew I had to beg.  But the begging had to be done in a subtle way, with dignity, and style, and poise and charm.  Because that’s a sure way to get a dollar.  People like charm and style.  If you beg like that, they don’t even know what hit them!  They’re like, “I’m a dollar poorer, but my world has just been rocked….totally worth it!”

So I stop a fellow tourist, who actually looks like a tourist, not a sweaty runner/tourist.  And I asked him if I had to pay a dollar to get in.  He said with a smile, “Yes.”  And then I asked this kind tourist if they were really strict about this entry fee (hint, hint, cuz if they be strict, I ain't gettin' in if you know what I mean! aka- I don't have a dollar on me, and I sure wouldn't mind you helping me out!). He was like, “Yes, yes.  Have a good day!!”  Like, he was actually sweet, and friendly, and taking the time to talk to me, but he weren’t about to part with no dollar!  “I hope you put that dollar to good use mister.”  “Don’t spend it all in one place buddy!”  Whatevs...

And then it occurred to me, “What if people have been subtly trying to get a dollar from me and I haven’t been taking the hint?  What if I have good friends who smile, and act all friendly to my face, but when I turn around their like, “I can’t believe she didn’t notice that I needed a dollar for that pack of gum.”  Or maybe I’ve been in line in the Dollar Store and the person in line behind me said, “Sure wish I had one more dollar to get one more balloon for my son’s birthday,” and I just smiled and said, “Yeah, balloons are the best!! Have a good day.” I mean I don’t remember this conversation happening, but I can be pretty clueless sometimes….it might’ve happened.  

What if one of my kids asked me for ten dollars to buy a school yearbook and I gave them nine, because I didn’t notice that they said “ten.”  And then what if they were like, “Sure wish this yearbook only cost nine dollars and not ten.  You only gave me nine dollars.”  And I bet I cluelessly responded, “Yeah, yearbooks are the best!!  Have fun at school sweetie!”  I mean did these conversatons happen and I was just not taking the hint?  How many times have I not lent people a dollar just because they’re too polite to outright ask the clueless, non-hint-taking lady?

And then it occurred to me, “Do I really listen to people?  Am I really hearing them?  Am I truly concerned about their needs?”  And then I made a goal:  For one week, every day, I will give one person some extra attention and try to really see them and put myself in their shoes (even if it’s only 15 minutes of my time).  I will practice “hearing” and “seeing” people every day this week.  I’ll do it with dignity, style, and charisma and charm.  And then another thought occurred to me.   Maybe style, charm and charisma aren’t what really matter.  Maybe what really matters is truly being sincere with others.  And the moral of this story is that I don't think I was sincere enough when I was trying to get that dollar out of that guy.  Better luck next time!

New Years Resolution

Okay, I've decided to start my New Years resolutions in October.  It's much more attainable when I only have two months to keep it.  So Happy New Years Resolution Option Day (but I don't want you to have to share your birthday, so I'll start it tomorrow).  That way I can always just celebrate your birthday on October 21st, and then focus on New Years Resolution Alternate Day on October 22nd.  Wouldn't want to steal the thunder from your birthday.   Cuz no one knows how to party like Mary Jones, well, except for Jeff Jones:).  

So my New Years Resolution is to get ORGANIZED!  I'm reminded of this as I look at my car.  There's a toothbrush in the cup holder.  Yesterday, I handed this same toothbrush to my daughter on her way to the dentist in hopes that she could brush her cavity away.  It didn't work, she was in the dentist chair 30 minutes later getting that tooth filled.  Then I look behind me and see my old gum deposited on the top of a soda cup.  So I couldn't find a garbage to throw it away, but I'm classy enough to not stick it on the surface of my car.  Then I look at my daughter's car seat, and see a sock in there.  Yesterday, my 4 year old asked for a tissue for her nose and I handed her this sock to use instead.  It was clean, which actually seems stranger than a dirty sock.  A dirty sock makes sense as a kid takes his socks and shoes off after a long day at school.  But one clean sock in the car?  Random...

But these are just small examples.  Lately, certain events have caused my brain to feel far from organized.  Let's just say that after the last month I've chopped my hair and it wasn't because I was going for a cute, sassy look.  No, in fact, after I trimmed it myself, in frustration, and then had my husband cut it short (out of more frustration), oh and by the way, Amazing Barber Husband does not equal Amazing at Short Sassy Hairstyles for Ladies, bless his heart...  So after he gave me a, er, uh, haircut, I pulled it back in an elastic and went to a beauty store to buy some "special" shampoo.  As I'm out and about, my elastic breaks and my new "special" haircut pops out with it.  I walk to the counter with my "special" shampoo and "special" haircut trying to look casual, but knowing I'm not fooling anyone.  I grab my goods and rush home, feeling more chaos in my brain.  I won't mention that we are remodeling because of a "special" incident with a "special" toilet.  Good news, we get hard wood floors.  Bad news, my house is chaos.  The one incident that makes me feel organized is that someone mistook me for a grandma to my twelve year old daughter.  Now some people my think this is an insult, but on the bright side, grandmas seem really organized to me!  So I think she was basically saying, "Wow, you appear to be a very orderly and put together lady."  I should've said "Thank you very much, I am!"  So along with getting more organized, I'm going to appreciate Grandma Compliments more.  Happy New Years Resolution For Only Two Months Day!!

Bonding On a Budget

“Do you want to go get a smoothie?” I heard a mother ask her child as they were leaving the park.  Yes, I have asked that question of my children many times.  But as we all know; those smoothies aren’t cheap. They start to add up, and they do not grow on trees, (except for the fruit they use to make the smoothies). As I reflect on my childhood, I’m reminded of the many low-cost, smoothie-free, simple, bonding moments I had with my mom.  And I’d like to create more of those for my children. 

So, the other day I was taking out the trash. My four-year-old said, “I’ll help you.”  Could this be a potential bonding moment?  Maybe….  I say to her, “We can be the Mommy-Daughter team.  We can be the Taking-Out-the-Trash team” and she was like, “No.”  And I’m thinking, what happened to the good old days, when we bonded over the simple things in life?  I remember when my mom would fry up some liver and onions, and slice a tomato for my lunch, when the big kids were at school.  This happened on a regular basis.  And I look back on those lunches with my mom fondly.  Do people even eat liver anymore, cuz it was like chicken nuggets in my house!  And fried onions were like fruit snacks, and sliced tomatoes were like Goldfish crackers.  And since I’m talking about it, sardines were as accessible to us as string cheese is to my kids.  Andthis explains why I was always begging food off of my friends!   Me: “What is this?!”  My Friend: “It’s called a ‘popsicle.’”  Me: “What does it do?”  My Friend: “You eat it.  It’s very good.”  She hands it to me. I wipe the dirt off my hands, clean the onions from under my fingernails, and reach for this mysterious treat.  Delicious!!!  But honestly, it would’ve been better had I been sharing it with my Mom.  Move over popsicle, I’ll take the liver with a side of bonding.

So, another special experience I tried for with my child has to do with singing.  I remember my mother and I singing in the car on many occasions.   We had our usual songs and we would often break off into harmonies.  I cherished those cost-free, simple moments.  So here I am in the car with my youngest.  As I start to sing (happy to have her join in if she wants), she’s all, “Don’t sing!”  Then she proceeds to tell me she made up a song for me.  So, check it out, the words/lyrics were nice and all but the melody was all over the place.  I’m pretty sure she was making it up as she went along.  If she would have included me in this process, I probably could’ve smoothed out of the edges of her song, while bonding at the same time. 

However, there is a sweet, cost free, simple, bonding experience that we are sharing, and it’s very special to me.  She often picks me flowers, and find me feathers.  Whenever she sees a feather in my house (we have down pillows on our couch), she picks it up and puts it in my pocket.  And it’s not enough for her to hand it to me, she has to watch it go in my pocket.  Recently, a friend and I went on a vacation across the country.  Before leaving, my daughter put a feather in my pocket.  I had forgotten about my feather and as my trip was winding down, I was standing in a store, and put my hand in my pocket.  Out came the feather!  I started to feel very sentimental and wanted to do something for her.  I went to one of the city’s parks and found a pigeon feather on the ground.   My friend saw what I did and was like, “That’s really gross.” And then my germaphobia kicked in and I was like “What did I just do?!”  So, I put a bunch of hand sanitizer on it and then I found a bathroom and washed this fragile, once-fluffy feather with soap and water.  And the feather was now a sickly looking little stick.  But my daughter and I had something going, and I was determined to give her this cost free, simple but special gift. 

I put the unrecognizable bird feather in a zip lock bag and packed it away.  I got on my airplane and flew back across the country to my beloved home and family.   I was met with hugs, kisses and “I missed you”s. Then came the moment for the gifting of the feather.  What could go wrong?  It was gonna be a big hit.  I showed it to her, and she was like, “No.”  Even weeks later, I tried again and brought the souvenir feather out, and she was still all, “Uh, no.”  I get it, I get it. 

We’ve had plenty of special moments and there are many more to come.  I'll probably even continue to buy over-priced smoothies.  And who knows, maybe one day when she’s an adult, she’ll pull me aside and say “Mom, come look at my old journal I found.”  And there will be a page with a stick-figure drawing of the “Taking-Out-the-Trash Team” and maybe a sickly-looking feather taped next to it. 

Thank You Cards

I just want to thank my blog readers (sis and bro-in-law and kids) for sticking with me.  I think it’s important to be grateful and to express your thanks.  But I have a tricky relationship with “thank you cards.”  Getting a note in the mail is special nowadays.   I remember when I was little and would write letters to friends, and family, and they would write me back.  I even had a pen pal from Australia.  AND we wrote letters with pencils and paper and stuck them in paper envelopes, and licked that sticky part of the envelope. One time, I even got creative with my letter and put a bunch of one cent stamps on the envelope (to decorate the envelope while stamping it at the same time) because I did cute things way before Pinterest was invented, and that letter came back to me because apparently the post office didn’t know about Pinterest ideas yet, and they wouldn’t accept it.  We all have fond memories of getting a special handwritten letter in the mail.   Those hand written notes have become rarer.   Except, I feel like people are still hanging on to handwritten” thank you” notes.  I should be happy, but I’ve discovered that they are somewhat anticlimactic.  Just picture this…I go to open my mail box, and there it is, a beautiful, little, rectangular envelope with my name and address written across the middle!  I take it out of the box, and into the house, and make sure I’m alone so that I can enjoy this moment.  I carefully open the envelope and then close it again.  Am I dreaming?  Do I really have a handwritten letter in my hand in 2016? I put the letter down, just to ponder on this fact.   I decide not to read it just yet.   For the rest of the day, I've got an extra pep in my step, knowing what awaits me.  By that evening, I decide the time is right.  Then I grab the letter again.  I’m ready.  I open the envelope, and ever so carefully I pull out the delicate card.  I close my eyes and picture what the inside will say.  Then I take a deep breath and open it, and read, “Thank for the diapers.  They will come in handy.  Love- Becky.”  And not only was that note anticlimactic, but it reminded me of what a boring gift giver I am.  Recently, I got a thank you card for a wedding I attended.  That card said, “Thanks for the candle.  It’s so nice in our home.”  You wasted ink and paper on that “thank you”?  You might as well have added, “And we’re really grateful that you didn’t spend that much money on us because you’ve taught us a great lesson on being cheap, I mean, frugal.  And that’s a good lesson for newlyweds.  Love- Jack and Jill” And honestly, I’m pretty sure that I gave them a basket with a candle included in it.  But the candle was the only thing that made it on the card.  Ouch! Thanks for letting me vent blog readers.  I’m really grateful to you.

Do That Thing You Fear Most and the Death of Fear is Certain!

"Do that thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain." 
- Mark Twain

I just found this quote on FB.  It reminded me of the other day when I took my kids to a Flea Market.  One booth was selling blow up plastic thingies (swords, dolls and what not...).  Since this booth belonged to a good friend of mine, I told my kids they could each get one (to support her).  My son picked the big green alien blow up doll that stood taller than him.  Frankly, I was creeped out by it, but it was his choice, so we got it.  By the end of the day, you'd have thought my son was Toy Story's Andy and the alien was Woody. My kid spent all afternoon with this alien.  He gave him a shoulder ride.  He might've even given him a high five.  They probably have a secret hand shake.  That night, when I went to check on him after he had fallen asleep, the big green alien was standing nice and close to my son's bed, keeping an eye on him.  It was at this moment that I felt proud of my son.  I realized just how brave he was.  Who puts a creepy alien right next to their bed at night, a.k.a., who stares fear in the face and says "Do your worst!"?  My son does, that's who!  Maybe he claims to not be brave, because the alien never creeped him out, but I know he's just being modest.  This alien creeps everyone out!  My friend even apologized to me as we made our purchase at her booth.  And then I discovered a lesson at that moment, "What if we could go through life like this?  Giving our fears shoulder rides and inviting them to watch us while we sleep?" (this should not apply to people who have a fear of robbers or tsunamis).  For example, I don't like chemicals.  What if I grabbed a bottle of weed killer and carried it around all day like it was my little buddy.  Or what if I put a bottle of Draino next to my bed at night ,and glued little google eyes on the bottle, and then just let it stare at me while I slept at night?  Or what if you had a fear of poisonous spiders and you gave them shoulder rides and let them sleep by your bed...actually I feel like this lesson shouldn't apply to all fears.  I would say if you have a fear of nice puppies then this could be safe.  Okay maybe this is a work in progress...  Until I figure it out,  remember what Mark Twain said, "Do that thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain."  And also talk to a parent or  trusted adult before you "do that thing you fear most..."   And also make sure that thing you fear is legal.  And if your fear is a real alien, I might not recommend facing that fear. 

Short Term Memory Loss

Short term memory loss...many people can relate to it.  For example, have you ever walked upstairs to get something, and instead of getting that something, you spotlessly cleaned a room, and then came back downstairs without that "something?"  Or have you ever exchanged names with a new acquaintance only to forget their name one second after they said it?  Okay, who am I kidding, I don't even listen to their answer (name) in the first place.  Well, recently I had the ultimate short term memory loss moment.  As I was walking through our shopping mall,  I spotted a cellular phone ad in the form of a lifesize cardboard cut-out of a man.   I recognized this as a cardboard cut out, and kept walking.  As I got nearer to the cardboard man, my subconscious forgot what I had just seen, and out of the corner of my eye I saw this man who looked like he was trying to sell something.  I instantly made a mental note to not make eye contact with him, and then I remembered it was just that cardboard cutout from two seconds ago.  This experience caused me to giggle to myself.  I thought it was kind of cute that I did that.  But then I couldn't remember why I was giggling or why I thought I was so cute.  So I looked around me to see what was so funny, and I saw this man staring me down like he was going to strike up a conversation and I was like, "I'm a married woman!"  And then I realized that it was the cardboard cutout again.  And this time I started laughing out loud to myself until I noticed a guy giving me a very friendly look and I was like, "Back off!  I don't talk to strangers," which is totally not true, I talk to strangers all the time.  In fact, strangers are my best friends because they don't know me that well.  They only see my first impression, which is amazing, and then they want more, but really, if they get more then they start to think they got more than they bargained for.  But seriously, the first hour with me could change your life.  But then if you keep hanging out with me you easily will be thinking, "she's not that great, I'm actually kind of bored." So you see why I love strangers so much, but not this particular stranger.  He had an unusual look about him, and then I realized that he was that crazy stalker cardboard cut out, and I got a good laugh out of that....and I don't remember where I was going with this.

(The first time I forgot that it was a cardboard cut out is true:))

Cool

Yesterday my 13 year old asked me if college was fun.  And I was like, "It was amazing!!"  He also asked me if I was "cool" or something like that.  And I was all, "No der! What else?"  And I went on to tell him a couple of "cool" stories during my college years to prove it.  And he was like, "Oh."  I don't think he was too impressed, and I had to wonder if I had convinced him.  As I was still thinking about it, I'm sure he had long since moved on.  In fact, I think he pretty much forgot that I went to college five minutes after the conversation ended.

So the next day while the kids were at school, I pulled out my college photo albums to see if I looked "cool" enough.  I found a picture of me and a friend with dental floss that had gone through our nose and out our mouth.  Pretty cool, but not good enough....  Then there's a picture of me working at Taco Time.  There's also one of me eating at Taco Time.  Oh, and there I am standing in front of Taco Time.  There's a picture that shows me eating and studying for a test at Taco Time.  How about the picture of me getting soda while making a funny face at Taco Time. There's the picture of me asking my boss for a raise at Taco Time.  There I am welcoming the new employee at Taco Time.  Oh there's the picture of me giving bunny ears to my co worker, ha ha (classic).  Or what about this one where I'm rolling my eyes at the rude customer...good times!  

So I'm starting to think I should edit my college album.  Maybe I could put together a "cool" one to show my kids.  I could definitely still use the fabric and lace covered album to make it look authentic.  But I don't have to include every picture, right?  A little less Taco Time perhaps?

And then a thought occurred to me.  Instead of showing my "cool" pictures, I could show the pictures of me being nice, or pictures of me making good choices in college?  Pictures of me with my arms around good friends.  Visiting home during the summer and reconnecting with the siblings I used to fight with:). Pictures that show I was not obsessed with the way I looked (I really didn't care in college and it was refreshing).  Pictures of me and my mom when she came to visit for a special "Women's Week" at college.  The picture of me and my friend next to the Wal-Mart greeter who was famous for his "Welcome."  A picture of a group of us in our church clothes after a lovely service.  And the picture of me eating and studying at Taco Time.

Was I "cool"?  I don't know.   Was college amazing?  Absolutely!  I'm glad my son asked about my college years.  And I actually don't really know if he asked me if I was "cool."  I'm pretty sure I just started talking about that because I was trying to prove something to my teenage son.  Maybe he really asked, "Did you make good choices?" while I was thinking about impressing him.  And I should have just left it at "No der!  What else?"