August 11, 2015

Okay, spoiler alert!  This blog entry will contain material about vomiting.  If you’d rather not read, I totally understand.  I don’t like to offend people, so if a story that includes the word “vomit” is offensive or disagreeable to you, skip it.  Oh, but wait!  I didn’t actually vomit (in the story), which is another spoiler alert, but now that you know vomiting did not actually happen, maybe you’ll read.   But maybe you won’t read, because I’ve included 2 spoiler alerts in the first paragraph…moving on! 

Last weekend I ran a half marathon.  I’m a pretty competitive person, but I can be kind of lazy too.  Like, I will run a race, and I will try to run it hard, but I won’t drink enough water days before the race, because I don’t like the action of getting a cup, putting water in it, and drinking something tasteless, that fills my belly.  That’s boring. 

So race day comes, and I was at the starting line, doing my usual ritual which is thinking about my shoelaces, (if they’re too tight or not tight enough), and then I think about it some more. I also slyly examine other people’s shoelaces.  Occasionally I strike up a conversation with another runner about shoelaces. I wish I could say I was joking, but this is true. 

And then the race began.  Things seemed to be going fine, but towards the end of the race, I decided to push myself some more.  As I did this, my stomach started to hurt, so I backed off.  Hmmm, this was new.  I’ve experienced lots of discomforts while running, but not a stomachache.  Then as I neared the finish line, I started to sprint, like I normally do.  As I crossed the finish line, I had this overwhelming feeling that I would vomit right there and then. 

I hurried to the closest garbage can, and noticed a nice man standing right next to it, just minding his own business, enjoying a beautiful day.  So guess what kicked in?  That’s right, my need to be agreeable.  Sometimes this is good, and sometimes you just need to get the job done.  But here I am worrying about making this fella uncomfortable, and I was seriously on the verge of heaving.  So, I started to walk away and look for a garbage can farther away.  I couldn’t see one at a comfortable enough distance, and I realized that it might happen on the ground, in the crowd, which was even worse!  I needed to get out of there!  If only I wasn’t so agreeable!  I could’ve just used that first garbage can.  Then I could’ve just apologized to the nice man, and offered him my last fuel gel pack (as a prize for being understanding).  And he would’ve given me this funny look, and I’d be like, ‘Hey! That’s all I’ve got!  Beggars can’t be choosers!”  And he’d slowly back away, and I’d be like, “What do you want?!  My medal?!”  And then he’d start to run away from me.  And then I’d yell, “What more can I say?!  Fine, you can have my shoes too!” And then he’d turn and look at my shoes, because maybe he needs a new pair.

But guess what the cool part of this story is, after a few minutes of me trying to figure out what to do with my conflicting feelings (stomachache vs. not wanting to offend), the nauseous feeling subsided, and I went on my merry way.  I wonder if that guy knows what I went through for him. 

Gutters into Waterfalls

I learned a lesson from my two year old daughter today.  We went on a walk and as we were strolling down the sidewalk she looked at the slimy, mossy water in the gutter and said, "Look, a waterfall!"  I realized that we need to see life through the eyes of a child more often.  Sometimes, experience makes us hard and cynical.  But sometimes we just need to remember the smiles of our children, but not my two year old's smile right now, because at this moment she is screaming her head off, but she's not bleeding, and nothing is broken, and it's Mother's Day, so I'm letting my sweet, older daughters take care of this little ball of sunshine. So she is still screaming, but these screaming moments add credibility to the fact that we should be more like little children.  Because they're experiencing life too, and it's not like everything is roses for them.  They have their rough moments too.  But they are still good at turning lemons into lemonade. It's clear, that at this moment, my two year old is struggling, but I bet if I took her to the gutter again she would say, "Look!  A waterfall!"  So if you're having a rough day, or experiencing some "bumps" in life, go ahead, take a walk, and turn that gutter into a waterfall!  Or that bag of sugar into a pan of brownies, or that TV with the blank screen into a TV with Full House playing on it (you know you want to), or that quiet, empty room into a break dance floor (I think you're supposed to have a big piece of cardboard for that one, and parachute pants, and my husband told me that you should have a bandana tied around your knee too).  And right now, my seven year old daughter who is experiencing pain in her ankles (due to a disease she has) is saying, "Mom, can I snuggle with you, I haven't snuggled with you all day.  I really want to snuggle with you!"  So her version of turning gutters into waterfalls is turning pain into snuggle time.  Find your waterfall!!

I Do Believe in Fairies!

May 7, 2015

“I do believe in Fairies!  I do, I do!”  Okay, maybe my five-year old son didn’t say it exactly in this Neverland-like way, but that’s what he meant.  The other day, I was walking up the stairs, taking my two year old to her crib for nap time.  As I approached the top of the stairs I realized that I didn’t have “Blanky” and she does not nap without it.  In fact, she won’t even consider using a different blanket.  In fact, she will not even allow another blanket in her crib, (except for the one that covers her dolls, but that’s another story, and I don’t like to get off topic:)).  Anyway, I looked downstairs and saw my sweet 5 year old son sitting close to the blanket.  I said, “Can you bring me ‘Blanky?’” And he replied, “Ughhhhhhhhhh!!!”  And then he said, “I do everything!” I then put my baby in her crib and told her I would get her blanky.  I went downstairs and got it.  While doing this, my son said, “Mom, do you know why I didn’t get the blanket?  I wanted to see you do it, because you never do anything.”  Seriously?!  I don’t even need to go over all of the things I do, but let’s just say that this child does believe in fairies, and they do his laundry, and pick up after him, and play with him, and read him stories, etc.  Maybe I should’ve been annoyed with this comment.  But it actually made me giggle.  And as I’m writing this blog post, my five year old son picked up a stem that had been broken off of a flower, and said, “Mom, do you know what this is?”  And I said, “No.”  And he said, “Can you guess?”  And I said, “Um a stem?  A stick?”  And he said, “I have a Mother’s Day gift for you. Do you want it now or on Mother’s Day?”  I let him decide and he decided that now was the time.  He went upstairs (He does go upstairs), and came back down with a flower with the stem partially cut off.  He presented me with my gift and I gave him a great big hug!!  So I decided that he must think I do something!  And then after he gave me the flower, I read him a book about fairies, because I really wanted to tie the end of this blog in with the beginning (It feels better when I can do that).  And at the end of the fairy book, I said, “I do believe in fairies!  I do, I do!!”  And he just looked at me weird, and for a brief moment I was glad that he couldn’t read.  I didn’t need him saying, “That’s not what it says!” and ruin the end of this blog for me, when I was tying things up just perfectly.  Oh yeah, and at the end of the book my son was like, “Mom I believe in fairies, because you are a fairy.  You look like a fairy.  And you do a lot, just like fairies do a lot!”  And he didn’t say that with his mouth, but he had a look in his eye, and that’s what he could have been thinking.  I don’t know if that’s exactly what he was thinking…what am I, a mind reader?!  He actually said, "Why did you read that book?" And I was like, "I know, right?"  

April Fools Day

I usually don’t love April Fools Day.  I don’t like tricks or pranks that stress me out.  And we certainly don’t need a special day that gives you the green light to do those things.  The night before April Fools Day this year, my son was asking what he could do for this special occasion.  I want to be a fun mom, so I encouraged him a little, but I also said, “Don’t stress anyone out with the tricks you do.”

That morning, I made breakfast for my kids and they started whispering, and I’m like, “Uh oh.” Then one of them sneaks up to my room and they’re still whispering, and I’m thinking, “This better not be messy, whatever they’re up to.”  Anyway, off they go to school.  And yes, they got a little messy.  One of my children cleverly put toothpaste all over the sink for me, hee hee (I can laugh now). 

I discovered another one when I went to my room and walked in my husband’s closet to put something away.  Shoved in the corner of his closet, was my bed comforter.  And seriously, I was like, “Who put my blanket on this floor?!”  And then I was like, “Oh, I get it….” And on my bed was my daughter’s blanky, with a note that said, “Look in the closet” and an arrow pointing to my husband’s closet.  It was kind of adorable, and definitely an April Fools Day prank I can handle. 

This last prank made me think, if we keep the tricks this mild, I could possibly learn to enjoy April Fools Day.  For example, what if they put my shoes on the shelf above where they normally are and wrote “April Fools!” Or what if they put my toothbrush lying on its side, instead of vertical in the cup with a cute note that says, “April Fools!  Love you Mom!  You’re the best!”  Or they could make their beds and say “April Fools!  We put our pillows a little to the left instead of right in the middle.  Ha ha!  Mom you’re so amazing, and that’s no April Fools joke. “  Or they could watch one of my black and white movies all the way through with me and at the end be like, “April Fools!!  We really wanted to watch the Disney Channel, but we pretended we liked your movie.”  Or they could clean my house and be like, “April Fools, we made you think we wanted to clean the house instead of play with our toys.”  Or they could eat my healthy dinner, and eat all of their vegetables and at the end be like, “April Fools Mom!  We actually wanted chicken nuggets, but we’re too full now.”  We could turn this into a very productive holiday.  I love April Fools Day!

Snow White

I recently watched a newer version of the movie Snow White.  I remember watching the wicked queen (disguised as a little old lady) give Snow White the apple and there was that moment where Snow White goes towards the apple very slowly.  We all know that she shouldn't eat it, but she's headed that way, and we're like, "Don't do it!!" And we feel nervous and anxious for her.  But what about the anxiety the wicked queen feels?  Here she has this evil apple, and she has this really bad plan, but can you imagine how nervous she is as she watches Snow White make this really slow decision? The queen is dealing with all of the anxiety that goes with that situation, and that's stressful!

Recently, I had an experience where I felt like I could relate to the queen.  I made my baby a smoothie that was disguised as a nice drink but I had slipped some kale, and other healthy stuff in it. As I watched her slowly bring the cup to her mouth, contemplating if she was going to go for it, on the verge of a sip, I felt anxiousness, and probably a little bit of what the queen was going through with that apple.  I had put a lot of work into this, and I was practically saying "Go on Dearie, that's it!" And she took the sip and I was like, "Ha ha ha!" But that's where the similarities between the wicked queen and me end, except for the scraggly hair she has while in disguise (in that area we are identical twins separated at birth).  But I cannot relate to her evil intentions.  I disguise my drinks to make my daughter healthy, and to give her crazy looking green mustaches (seriously my smoothies are like glue!  I could totally be the makeup artist for the Got Milk ads.).

But you know who I can really relate to?  Sneezy!  Recently, I got really sick and I did not sneeze at all, but I coughed all the time and those are basically the same things.  And I can relate to Snow White a little, because, I like her sense of style (love her dress).  And also, she wears those pretty bows.  And when I was little, I wore bows a few times.  And, true story, one time my best friend came to school with a ribbon wrapped under her chin tied in a bow on top of her head.  When I saw her I let her know that the ribbon doesn't go under the chin.  I helped her out.  And I think that's the kind of friend Snow White would be.

Random

If I didn't know I was random before (in my conversation style), I figured it out the other day.  I was running on a trail, and I was approaching two friends walking together.  When they heard me coming, they were a little surprised and both went in different directions to make room for me to pass.  As I was going past them, one of them said sweetly and apologetically, "I never know which way to go."  Now, I 'm a very agreeable person.   And I also feel like I need to reassure people, like, all the time.  I will find a way to reassure others when they don't even see it coming.  I can't help it.   For example, someone might say, "I'm taking a really hard college course.  It's so hard."  Me: "Wow, that sounds hard!  I didn't graduate from college, so I think it's amazing that you're taking a college course, and a hard one even!  Whew!  You're going to be the best college student ever.  In fact, I think you're going to be the president of that college."  And then people are like, does she even mean what she says?  She kind of goes overboard!  And look, maybe I don't really think someone is going to be the president of a college, but I am impressed, because college is great.

Anyway, I thought that this lady on the trail needed reassurance with her comment, because she looked a little confused.   And there's always time to reassure others, even if you're running and not going to stop.  So I said (in response to her saying, "I never know which way to go,")  "Neither do I."  Isn't that reassuring?  Can't you just see a big smile on her face after I reassured her?  And don't worry if you're having a hard time picturing her with a smile, because you don't know what she looks like.  I forgot what she looks like.  But just make up a face in her own head.   Well, here's the random part (the only random part):  After I said that reassuring comment, I also felt the need to say, "And, I always choose the wrong line in the grocery store."  It really was on the tip of my tongue.  I almost said it, and then I stopped myself and was like, "Do those comments go together?"  And I thought maybe not.  Then as I was still running, I almost went ahead and said it anyway.  But I stopped myself again.  For some reason, I really wanted to share with her that I always choose the wrong lines in the grocery store.  And I usually do!  It's crazy.  I used to think it was bad luck, but then I realized that I am just not a very strategic thinker, and as a result, I choose the wrong grocery lines.  I'm not saying this is great conversation material, but maybe it could have been even more reassuring to her.  I can just see her thinking "Wow, that girl also doesn't know which way to go, and she also chooses the wrong grocery line?!  She's so down to earth, and I feel really good right now!"  And you know what?! Maybe that's just what she needed that day. Because, sure, she might have looked like she was having a great day, on a walk, with a good friend. But sometimes you just need a little spice in your life.  And sometimes that comes from a random stranger, passing by, with random thoughts.

Most Improved

My ten year old is playing basketball. We love going to her games and cheering her on. When we signed up, we thought “This will be a nice activity for her.” But she started playing and took off!  She really enjoys it and it turns out that she’s “got game!” So I feel like I need to teach her the “basketball lingo” because if you really want to be a serious basketball player you’ve got to sound like a serious basketball player. Lesson one is you’re no longer a basketball player; you are now a “baller.” Lesson two, you no longer make baskets, you “shoot some hoops.” Lesson three, the person with the whistle is no longer the referee; they are now “Ref.” Lesson four, if a ball goes in the hoop without touching the rim, you don’t say, “That ball didn’t even touch the rim,” you now say, “Swoosh!” Lesson five, you no longer dribble down the court, you “boogie down the court.” Lesson six, the people on your team are no longer your teammates, you refer to them as your “Cool Buddies.” Lesson seven, the person that makes the most baskets in a game is no longer the High Scorer, but is referred to as "The Boot Scootin' Shooter."  If you talk like this, you will be taken seriously in this sport! Trust me, I should know, I played basketball for seven years, and I was mediocre, at best. Which means I had plenty of time sitting on the bench and thinking of good basketball lingo. I know what you’re thinking, “You were mediocre in basketball too?” And the answer is yes. I could title this blog “Mediocre part II” (refer to blog entry from Feb. 8), but that’s just lazy. You’ve got to respect those authors who come up with new titles for their sequels and each book after (Hunger Games, Catching Fire, Mockinjay). But I don’t know about “Divergent,” “Insurgent,” “Maymurgent,” “Bookburgent,” or whatever they're called. I think she just kept rhyming with that first title and that seems kind of lazy too. You know I’m messin’ Veronica Roth (just in case she follows this blog).

Anyway, I began to wonder about my future in basketball when I was awarded “Most Improved” player twice in a row.  The first time, I was like, “Thanks a lot! I am honored to receive this award!” And the next time I got the same award, I was like “Hey, something fishy is going on around here.” Basketball was kind of hard and the skills didn’t come totally naturally to me.  But not only that, apparently there’s a certain sense of “coolness” that I lacked in basketball too.  For example, my coach and his wife used to make fun of me for clapping every time I made a basket. What was I supposed to do, “Boo, me!!”? No, really, I get it, you’re supposed to look cool and chill, and act like you’re really busy playing basketball and didn’t notice that two points you just contributed.  But to me, it felt very natural to cheer after every basket.  Maybe I could snag myself the “Most Spirited” award at the end of the season with all of that clapping.   Another thing is that my coach used to tell my dad I would be better if I was “more aggressive.” I didn’t understand that. I would yell at people and jump up and down, like a crazy lady, as the other team tried to throw the ball in. I would foul out of games, by recklessly flailing my arms about! That’s totally aggressive! So I would get confused with the comment, “she would be better if she was more aggressive.” But then I got older and wiser and I realized what he really meant. That was his nice way of saying (to my dad), “She would be better, if, she was better.” But it’s cool; he tried to sugar coat it for my dad. He probably also said something like, “But heck, she has improved… from when she was a baby… and couldn’t pick up balls, and stuff, and couldn’t even say the word ‘basketball.’ But now she picks up balls…and, she says the word ‘basketball’ all the time! You should be proud. She sure has improved!”

I guess it’s okay to be mediocre as long as you’re improving!

My Smart Baby

I have a baby who will be two in April.  And it’s fun watching her develop.  She gets cuter and cuter everyday.  She likes to talk.  And one of her things is she likes to sing, “Shake it off” (just those three words from the song).  And whether you are or aren’t a fan of Taylor Swift, it’s just really cute to hear that coming out of a baby’s mouth.  The only problem is that I feel “Shake it off” lacks a little originality on her part.  I mean, yeah, it’s cute, but everyone is over that song.  It’s just not as cool as it was months ago.  I feel like I want to teach her something unique and fresh, something that might surprise people.  Like, I could teach her “Wake me up before you go go” (by WHAM), and I could even teach her the dance routine my friend and I made up (that goes with the song).  Actually, I have no business teaching that dance routine to anyone, because my friend and I took that little number to our elementary school talent show tryouts, and were rejected.   We totally tried out for our talent show (and this is a small school I might add) and they were like, “I don’t think this is the right show for you.  We’re going in a different direction.  But best of luck to you, and come back next year.”  But I was no dummy, I did not come back next year.  But I did make up a new dance routine to "I Think We’re Alone Now" by Tiffany.  But too bad for the “come back next year” judges, because you snooze you lose!

So anyway, my baby says a lot of cute things.  But one of the things she says a lot that’s not so fresh anymore is “Where Daddy go?” “Where (brother’s name) go?” “Where (sister’s name) go?” and this can go on and on.  It’s like, her way of “breaking the ice” in a conversation.  There can be an awkward silence, and she’ll take care of it with “Where______go?” She likes to say “Where Mommy go?” when I’m right next to her, and I’m like “I’m right here.”  And sometimes I wonder if that’s her way of ignoring me.  Like maybe I did something to annoy her and she says, “Where Mommy go?”  right to my face!  Brilliant!  I think a lot more goes on in these minds than we think. 

Come to think of it, how about the other day when I gave her a cup of water and she poured it out on the floor.  What if she really was thinking “The other day I saw a family of mice living under our kitchen table and they looked thirsty, so hopefully they’ll see this” (she’s so kind).  Or what about when she refused to let me put her boots on?  Maybe she meant, “Boots are for sissies!  Give me a mountain and I will climb it barefoot!” (She’s so brave and has such dreams!)  Or what about when she cries when I put her in her crib at night?  Could she mean, “I cry not because of this infant crib, but for the tears that are shed by others who need a warm bed.  Citizens unite!!”  (She’s amazing).  And when I tell people about how much she is developing right now, I bet she’s thinking “Developing, d-e-v-e-l-o-p-i-n-g, developing.” Move over Doogie Howser MD!